blog frog snog bog hog dog nog flog?

watch out inturnet, im back. i been shlumpin sooper hart thu past feoo days here so compooting wasnt a number one on muh list but i think i killt thu shlump for a while newayz so i can dos innurnets again. life lately haz consisted of thu following in no pertikuler order:
daggering, stationary boat rides down the Venice canals, lazers, bad mood deezerts, takn ginger shots at hippy jobz, closepin fites, mayjuh beerings, more daggering, sunshynes, flaykiness, skippn skool, toons, hot sauces, turtls gettn trampuld, tunza 94608s, big booties, nek rashes, hips hops shoes, noo frends, horny whoorin katz, coveringg muhself with broozes, gettn swety, takn pikshurs, been a doof, bedazsling, n uther types of things of that nature. thu end.

why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
because if it had four it would be a chicken sedan!

knuckle beach

sumtymz, hangin with the pals, i think to myself "hey girl, where could I go that would have the biggist consuntrashun of bros/hos/testosteronebrawls/buckwyld dance perrties/general queerdom?" ding ding ding: dingkytown. and oh boi, did i get all that i bargined for. n it wuz tyte all rite fer the most pert cuz we was all dancinin n porchin it n bykin n etcetera types of stoopid things all knight err nite. but den. sum chrome-bag bro asswype ducides to throw this kool kyd jon down deze sterrs. that plus da testosterone saturatid atmusfere of dinkydown=sum typs a crazy brawlin witch endid up involvsing dilly dally, cherlie boofie, n bunchis of uver kidz. the wackness. end den, therre wuz thu ever necisssary "talk bouts the fite for long times" after purdy. funn. den we smashedid on down tu jim jons tuh tryta meets up wit mykah n'rachlel buts we tuks too longs so we dinint and up gone to thu riviera that nite. juss byked homeword bound, bangged on a burr under thu h-way, n kames home to stankus interuptus, n allways sunnied it up n beddie byed.
now, affers i wakedid up 2 urly, i ated a muffin from hippy-bag werk, n cornputed for long tymez. now tunight, i gots ta get muh blugrass on sooper hart over at the TBT sho. crazo havent dun that in a wile. wunder if i still no how ta dance. me n marty'll do's it up. seacrest out.


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What do a band and a chicken have in common? They both have drumsticks.

How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.


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i miss ya already, sayruh paylin

sexy bitchus that i phuck wif my big blak peenus think that i'm a motherfukkin musikal jeenious.


larss knight was aight. i werkdid my azz off doozin a coupla hippy asz jobs. den, muh frend pete rokk callz me upn saiz "hey gurrrl... gang chen?" n i sez "right". so we'z haz a cuppl at thu chen faktery den ervryonez blowin me ups tryn to cum over to the interuptus. so we hadz pete rokk, deeq atteeq, nancy ann grassie, king klaus herself n aardvark over at the crib. den, after majuh toons, my brainz startd dyin onn acounta werk n wake up so iz hadda give pals the boot n give muhself a rest. den, i gots up havn uh krapp azz dai. woketit up on rong sidea the bed i fink. don haffa werk tuhday n methinks if NE1 will follo me i wantsta go on a summit broory toor insteda skool tuhday. gud idea?? yup. affter all, imma be drankin fer the resta mah lyfe, but not goin to skool for dat long, so i need morr practice in option A. pur logik.

kerryokee at the vfdubblya was booty full as allways. i sangt boheemyan rhapsody with mr doubled dan d-lan. klassy. we kilt it. n also, uv course, sumbudy sang no digiity whitch i waz totes down on n ulong with uther kool things. n i wuz sooper hapsy cuz marty glockenshpiel;s beerings r blowin up sooper hart ryght now. they so purdy. i'm wurrin my kunstomized ace pear cyder styles brrings n they so fly. shes bout to be some typa ahntrapeneurial type a motherfuker i think. n-eeways done.
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open faced sandwich kid from pete n pete

lyfe been up at 7amz=braynterded. gone to wak hippy stablishmint in a sec 2 servs ups foodt to doochbaygs. n i don haff no kleen cloze so theyre gonna be all 'whoa lotsa onionz in these foods tuhday' and imma say 'yup its thuh food'. also wakes up this mernin to kat (chizberger) yellin 'doos me doos me!' in cat that is. horph.

i lurb muh noo job nuhmber too. is kool. i mets tunsa kool flks therre n i don think they hayte me yet... but itz juss a matter of tyme before they fint me out. i eevin survt a doller worth of beenz n ryce to that crazay guy with the herr n mustach that lurbs britny sperrs. me so sreepy i tink my eyeballs are funna fall outta my face n die. but i was all "sure i'll work again tonyght". good goin brayn.

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i'm gonna chase it with that crumb

lass nite waz funn i gess. muh main man dilly dally kame tuh the coitus, we bummd round for a wile bein sooper tiret n stuff. den, we smokt mah last cergerette n bombed on over to mathais's house (bike deliverist/temporary cripple/kinda neib to me) wherre a za prrty was crackin on. t was kool. the za partyists inclooded lottalita, kid myke, mathais, dilly dally, mahself, dis kid tim, my soope cool noo coworker david, n also dis kool dogg j hoo likez to wazz on dilly dally sumtymes. den after funn tymes went home, officed a titch n zonked in mah bed wit me bff stufft amnals named tommy, porpsy, oswell n herp.



some of my totally faveorite things in lyfe: my stoopid catz in heat, eye boogerz, uh fridge that smells an awful lot lyke rottin chiz wiz/phish, neck rashiz, hangnailz, brokt byks, payn rent, justine "gay man catnip" bieber, mystery broozes all upon my body, havn the sniffls, brayn stoopidniss, passive aggressivness, been blint az a rat wiffout my glassis, rain spriitz on muh glassez when bykn, dis stoopid cat nuzzlin my tittays n tryn to fukk me, my brokd shoos. all of doze things=my dai so farr. i'm in purdy gud shape id say. also, the maths equazion i just explaind previously also with all dat quadtratic equations/variables/nerd/science/yyz=optin outta skool taday on account of ive godda go to da badazzlery n grab upon some beasty bedazsls so me n marty glocks kan make fly jeen jacks n rockem harrd. thu end.

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hey wheeler, that chick is tasting your beast

hey innurnet, sup. so this is day too of the funeral of the last teeny bit of dignity i saved. anyhoo, lass nite i didn't end up tossin balls, insted decided to haff a way funner time of a nyte. i banged on over to the wak azz hq to hang with some cool flks (dilly dally, choo boo, lotta lita just to nayme a few). den, afterfun tymes watchyn the dopeness of don't be a menace, drankin on a foty n shottgunnin some tres deuce, we had a bootyfull jaunt on over to a biscuit with shit on it fo this fun tyme sho where terradactylcide was bout to bang (loud). twas a bitty of a nyte. as we walked up the road to said biscuit, my earrs started playsin trix on me and said "ska" and then i was all "what?" and they said "ska" rite back. what. so henceforthe me n my main man dilly dally went forth to said kitchen n did nother trois deux s-gun then we postid up on the porch for a wutanga of a thyme. during sed nite, we lonched w-balloonz, listined to kool jams (terracottacyde), lived laffd luvd, mayde noo frends n kept thee old, talkd mayday, got broozes, byked, lissined to MAJUH LAZA, daggerd, etc. den, at the sho, me n aardvark had to byke home cuz of brain draink. den, we watchd roal modles n said night night. now tuhday, woked up, banged hard on sum snausages, aigs, n tst. whoa, i'm a majah cuisinist. as the cook was goin down a reconnectid wit my supe cool besty the mane man mikeey versatyle g, seeing as i was so sad about him not been here dis wekend on account of family fun tymes. n he even bought us sum ajuice mclean (of bsb) to enjoi with breffkist. i lurb him. den, me n aardvark finisht watchn roal modles n he banged on home. den i went to coffe town, USA n grabbd up a cupo jo n sat in sun tyme fun tyme on the stoop of dis here coitus interuptus. n now im funna trow on a hoodi n starrt my gay azz noo hippy job number too. den go to other job with rooftop patio. i'm out boners.

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lurvly

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tuhday was a stoopid kool day. i dug it. except for how i was tree hours late for working my new style job. but they were all "we just glad to see you Malia, cuz you're great". another not soo kewl thing is that i've been bangin super hard with a rash on my neck all day err day, so i haf to wear this gay azz scarf and i think people probly think i think it makes me look totes awes, but don't be mistook, i know i'm not cool. also a big douche. one thing that added some happy to my day was like a couple hourrs ago at my cool job, i was talkin bedazzlement with my stoopid cool new cowerker and she suggested that on my future american flagly bedassled jean jacket, i also in addition add on a bedazsled style kittun. and i think i will. then me and my frend marty glockenshpiel are gonna have cool times in tacky wonderment when we play go eat shark shows. also: tomorrow i'm bouts to be urnin approximately 750 hipster/jerk points when i sturt my 2nd, countit, 2nd coop job. ick on me. i think while i'm atit, i'mma buy myself 7 plaid shirts, a beasty ironic mustache, get coffee from muddy waters, listen to animal collective, bang around uptown onna fixy with neon green rims, get another cuppa jo @ spyhouse, put tunsa stuff in my totally hott pink n' yella chrome bag, buy a case a peebers from the peebin tower at hums, to drink in addition to a 4ser of surly furious, buy a noo paira plastic frame spektackles from tatters, get an additional job @ j-jons as a bike deliveryist. 2nite is gunna be sooper dope seein as i'm bouts to put the roll on some hevy azz balls down this ball road where balls n these weiner lookin white things violently bone. probly gonna doit for like a while n maybe have some broos/whasky in the bathrum of the bilb seein as im a brokass. (let's gimme about 5.6 more h/j points for dat one). also, joinin me is funna be mah old buddy charles boothee, my frend klaus, n probly this one coot boy hoo's named after a cartoon about an aaaardvark (gay), also hopefully my gud pal marty from way back, she nastyfine. yup anyway, peace out internet.